i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Randomize
