I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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