Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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