dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
