haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize