Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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