it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Ladies don't puke and tell
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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