Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize