I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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