Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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