Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Randomize
