I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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