If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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