I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
