A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
