Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
