It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
