anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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