it wasn't lemon gatorade
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Every concussion has its silver lining
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I party with great urgency now.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
