Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
