the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
