I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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