Tell her she can't have a vagina
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
