nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
