I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
