Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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