i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
