i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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