Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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