Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
