4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
