I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
