I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
