it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
