is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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