the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
pray to the hookup gods
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
