Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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