those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
