worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
