sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
