the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
