Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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