Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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