I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
