I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
