If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
