I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
