Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
