sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
