I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
