In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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