he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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