did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
