Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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