why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
