I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
