roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
