I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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