Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Randomize
