I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
