i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
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