If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
you will always have a special place in my vag
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
