Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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