My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
