When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
