At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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