your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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