and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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