I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Michael Bay diarrhea
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
