they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
