they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
