i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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