Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
