my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Michael Bay diarrhea
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
