I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
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