So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
