i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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